learning for me

There's something I've been thinking about for a while, and I thought it would be good to get it down in writing.
This has been a year of potty training struggles. We tried just about everything, including probably the stuff you're not supposed to try. Stickers, charts, m&ms, presents, short-term rewards, long-term rewards, you name it. And it is just so frustrating when you can't really see why it isn't working. My lovely aunt pointed out to me in July that Stella just really wasn't there yet. She knew how the process should go, but there were a few key things missing - she still wasn't using the right names for #1 vs #2, and she couldn't tell you when she needed to go. So basically I spent months running around trying to anticipate urination. And can I just say -- I never want to type those two words together again. And with a baby to juggle it was just incredibly frustrating for all of us. So in the end I backed off and we all thought everything would click when she went to school.

We had moved her from where she was last year (which we LOVED) in favor of getting her a little closer to home and a spot secured for elementary school. The new school was really not a good fit - they wanted only 100% potty trained kids. I met with the teacher before school started and told her exactly where we were to make sure things were going to work out. We were both hopeful that the routine of school plus the social aspect would help things click. And they did, a bit. But it wasn't long before the teacher told Stella that she couldn't come back to school again until she had this all down. She actually expected me to keep her home until she was accident-free.
That didn't feel right to me and it finally came down to this:
1. Stella loves school and is highly motivated to attend.
2. If she could have avoided being kicked out (she had 3 strikes), she would have.
3. Ergo, she couldn't have avoided it at this point.

It made absolutely no sense to punish her for this, much less by depriving her of school. I am horrified by the whole situation. We were able to get her back in her school from last year, with her old friends and teacher, all of whom were excited to have her back and they are so great with her.

ANYWAY - did not mean to give a potty diatribe, the point is that this has been hard. And stressful on us - and her - and then guilt-inducing since I feel like our choices put that negative pressure on her. I mean, if we never switched schools, NONE of this would have come up in this manner. I felt like we were making our daughter into a worrier. Someone even remarked that she is a worrier. Suddenly I was nervous in a whole other way - that we were causing our child such angst that her self-perception would be warped, she would become a chronic worrier, never able to move forward in life past the worry.

So I was a guilt-ridden, stressed out parent when again my lovely aunt enlightened me. (And since then I should note that Stella has really caught on to the potty training. She just did it in her own time.)

Are you ready? Here's the wisdom:

Our children are who they are. Their personalities are there from day one, they emerge in different ways as they grow up. You don't make a child into a worrier - they are a worrier or they aren't. And really, it doesn't matter, because our job as parents is not to make sure they don't end up as worriers (or whatever), our job is to help them (whoever they turn out to be) make their way in this world.

I realize that doesn't solve the potty challenges, but it does help me deal with it better.

halloween

 Roman as Baby Elvis

 Stella as Rapunzel

Ghosts we made out of grocery bags

Halloween seemed more like its own season this year. I got an early start and made both of their costumes, including Rapunzel's hair. It was a lot of fun. I especially loved the challenge of Roman's jumpsuit. It needed to be something he could move in. And I don't know how, but he just really had the personality to really pull it off this year! We also carved our first jack-o-lantern. Lots of fun.

best day ever

How do you have the best day ever? Marry the love of your life and follow these steps.

1. Stay married for 10 years.
2. Drop your kids off at the mutual lovefest that is the grandparents' house. Add cousins.
3. Drive to the sea.
4. Stay in beautiful updated historic hotel on the sea. Sleep really well and wake up when you're ready.
5. Go to the spa in the hotel and have breakfast of champagne and fruit.
6. Relax
7. Get facial.
8. Relax some more. Enjoy a glass of champagne with the hubs.
9. Get couple's massage.
10. More champagne!
11. Steam bath.
12. Relax with some champagne.
13. Decide to leave spa after five hours. Walk out feeling thin and healthy and gorgeous.
14. Have late lunch at a greek place on the water.
15. Try to see some tourist sights. But don't try too hard. Bonus points if you don't actually go in anywhere.
16. Take nap.
17. Borrow hotel's bikes and go for a nice long ride along the seawall.
18. Stop for italian ice. Preferably passion fruit or mango.
19. Ride back into the wind - a little challenge is good for you.
20. Clean up, put on favorite little black dress and head to ArtWalk in the historic district. Look at artwork, talk to artists, drink the free wine and sangria. 
21. Catch mardi gras beads from the party wagons. Souvenir shopping for the kids is done!
22. Eat a fancy late dinner and enjoy time with husband. Congratulate yourself for good decision making. 

more to remember

Stella, almost 3 1/2:

• Every day she is excited to tell me "today is my birthday and my princess cousins are coming over!" If pressed she will admit to it being her pretend birthday. But it's a lot like the Mad Hatter nonetheless.
• She absolutely knows which parent to ask for things. She bragged to me once that "Daddy is a yes-boy. He says YES I can have apple juice upstairs, YES I can watch tv, he says YES to everything." I heard him say no to her and she said, "But Daddy, you're a YES-boy!" Lucky for us her strategy is pretty transparent. 
• Stella made her own costume. My sister asked if she was a beekeeper. "No," she replied, "I'm a cucumber."

Roman, 10 months:

• He sits on the floor and uses his legs to rotate in a perfect circle. It's very Homer Simpson-esque.
• He's trying to communicate like Stella did, but in a totally different (monosyllabic) way. Bah! Phhshh!
• He has 8 teeth and can stand up and clap his hands. He is so proud of himself and is about to take off walking.
• He is just a funny happy baby. 
• He loves to bonk things with his head. Like your head. Or any part of my body. Sometimes it is soft and sweet, but more often it is hard and bonky. I have seen stars more than once, and now when he may just be coming in for a nuzzle I find myself reflexively dodging. Sorry, kid.
• I hear horrible thuds all too often as he explores our often hard-surfaced little world.

The two of them are absolutely thrilled to see each other every morning. Enjoying that while it lasts!

summer recap

We once again escaped the worst of the Texas heat this summer. I am so grateful to have a flexible schedule that allows us to do this sort of thing - Stella and Roman and I left town for a whole month. Only downside was that we missed Stephen terribly, but luckily he was able to join us for the last 10 days. 

We went to Portland, Oregon and stayed with family there. My fab aunt & uncle basically let us take over their basement which was totally awesome. They have three boys between the ages of 9 and 16. Who would ever have thought that these boys would bond so much with a three year old and a baby? Stella just adores 'her boys' and had a ball. Roman learned all kinds of new things and got private coaching from the boys and my uncle. When we left town he was just getting stable sitting up on his own. When we came home he was cruising, crawling and pulling up like a pro.

We also tagged along to spend a few days in Sun River (near Bend). I just love Oregon, especially in the summers. Well, to be fair, that's the only time I go. But their summers are just marvelous. Everyone complains about the heat when it hits 80. Meanwhile Texas had one of the hottest summers on record - 110s and no relief in the evenings. It is such an amazing treat to go north and suddenly you can go outside again! I have lots of family in town and so it was a treat to catch up with aunts and uncles and cousins and create new bonds together - and help reinforce some old ones. 

Then we went to Salt Lake. My brother and sister-in-law graciously offered us room in their basement. God I love basements. So wish we had them here! I read once that you can actually have a basement in Texas, it's just that so many people think you can't that no one builds them - thinking they won't sell. 

We had a ball catching up with family and friends. My sister-in-law was off for the summer so we got lots of time with her and Kaia. I loved seeing my sister and finally meeting her boyfriend. Good times with cousins and kids of cousins, aunts uncles, etc. We saw a live, outdoor, sing-a-long production of The Sound Of Music at Sundance. It was a ball. It's one of Stella's favorites and she was excited to know the words and music.

We had quality time at the cabin in Wyoming. New additions include a real-life tipi. That place is kid heaven! Stella loved making smores and named them "hot cookies", which is pretty fun to say out loud. Jenny upped the ante by making them on dark chocolate-coated granola thins. Mmm.

We did the first ever (perhaps annual?) Mandala campout. My aunt and cousins Lydia, Emma and Will came with us, and my grandma came for the day. We just did an overnight, easy campout. All food was cooked on the fire, if at all. Will brought his homemade potato cannon which was pretty freaking impressive. Stella wanted to go on a bear hunt. I was a bit obsessed with having pillows there.

We came home and it was still hot. In fact, the whole state was on fire. I think we were right to leave! Hoping to make this an annual tradition. August in Texas is just unbearable. But we are glad to be home, and now working on establishing a "normal" routine after 4 weeks of travel.

roman giggles

potty training sucks

That is all.
Shall I elaborate? Really?
Ok, fine. People will tell you you should get a book. A book, ha! Maybe a book for the kid.

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

I say the definition of insanity is hanging out with an otherwise totally reasonable kid who may at any moment crap their pants.

confession time

... ok about the running...
well, a few weeks ago I was getting faster, then for some reason it just stopped feeling good. my feet hurt after running, my knees hurt during, and it just didn't feel right. usually running makes me feel really good - during and afterward. sometimes really sore, but still in a good way. that runner's high thing is totally real. but this didn't feel good at all. so i've backed off on that for a while. time to be kind to my body.
so a different approach - stephen and i are doing a modified version of the diabetes diet i had to do while pregnant. i would like to drop a few pounds before i try running again, and when i do start back up i think i will ease into it a bit more.
my goal is still the same - a 12 minute mile by the end of the year. it just may not be a linear progression.
so on the eating part - i've simplified the nutritional calculus i had to do while pregnant, and we are doing:

• 6 meals a day - breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack
• include some protein in each of these 6 meals
• limit carbs to 30 in each meal, except lunch and dinner which can be 45
• don't worry too much

i like this. it is simple. and hopefully not so restrictive as to be a something we are 'on' or 'off'. i don't believe in being 'on' a diet - by definition this means that one day you will be through with it. i don't think we should do anything that we cannot sustain in the long term. changing habits will take time, but i think we are on the right track. 

open letter to new parents

I had lunch the other day with someone who's sister had her first baby a few weeks ago and is struggling. Those first few months are like parenting boot camp. There's a lot of repetition, not much sleep, forced indoctrination... there are a lot of parallels. I found myself telling her things to pass on to her sister, and it got me thinking. 

I really struggled with that time too, in fact I don't think I know anyone who didn't. So here is my totally unsolicited advice to new moms (and dads too):

Dear new parent,

Congratulations! Your baby is wonderful and amazing and beautiful. Now let's talk about you. 

There is a good chance you haven't slept in a while. That sucks. You may be desperate for the solace of a long shower. You may be acting as a food source for someone else. Even if everything is rainbows and butterflies, you are making a massive adjustment to having to think about and anticipate the needs of another human being in a way that you probably never have before. There is a good chance you are wondering if you really thought this all the way through. 

THIS IS NORMAL. It is a massive life change. It is worth it in the end (more on that later).

Repeat after me: Just because you love your child doesn't mean you automatically love being a parent. It's ok to not love being a parent. Let's be honest, being a parent kind of sucks. Being the boss of someone else somehow turned out to be not as thrilling as one's childhood dreams might suggest. You can love your kid to pieces but that doesn't make it any more fun when you are dealing with diapers, crying, (heaven forbid) colic, etc. on two hours of sleep wearing the same clothes for too many days in row. 

Here is what you need to do next:

• For the love of god, take a shower. Showers are to new parents what spa days are for normal people. 
• Go somewhere. It's a scary proposition for you, but young babies are actually really good at this. They are pretty much fine with wherever you want to take them. That carseat fits right in the shopping cart, the stroller works great at the park, and somehow just exposing little ones to fresh air, even if they don't actually do anything, tires them out. I don't know how this works but it does. Most importantly, get yourself out of the house where you can think about other things, and maybe even talk to other adults. It is good for you. 
• Join a parents' group. Find one through your hospital, church, neighborhood, HOA, whatever. Meetup.com. You want playgroups. I know it sounds silly as your baby does not yet really need to "play" with other babies, but you need to go to a playdate and talk to the other parents. They are your comrades and you need each other. Someone there needs to hear from you. 
• Pick up a copy of Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. It is written in nice short chapters and will make you feel better.  
• Don't feel guilty if you need a break. A happy, rested, refreshed parent is a better parent. It's good for the whole family. 
• Has someone offered you some kind of help? Say it with me: "Yes, please!"

And here is the good news:

• The miracle of 6 weeks. You won't believe this now, because right now you feel like whatever awful stage you are in will last for the rest of your life.  But truly, everything will be different in six weeks. In the first 6 weeks, your baby is adjusting from a pre-programmed 2 hour cycle of eating, looking around and sleeping. They will take some time to adjust their cycles to our more common designations of "night" and "day". Ok this first part might take a lot longer, but really those first few weeks are the worst. It gets better and better. Even the much-dreaded colic is generally over in six weeks. Everything is a phase. EVERYTHING.
• The miracle of 4 months. Let's be honest, in the beginning this is a very one-sided relationship. But something magical happens when that baby actually smiles back at you and starts to respond. It really just makes everything better. Those little grins say "you're awesome and the funniest person in the whole world" and suddenly you don't mind wiping someone else's butt quite so much.
• It's ok to not be a baby person. This kind of goes with the whole phase thing. Some people are baby people - they would be happy to do nothing but sit and cuddle with a baby for hours on end. But not everyone feels that way and that's ok. Some of us love our babies but get very antsy sitting still. There are many more stages ahead and we don't all love all of them (hello, teenagers! I'm hearing things!). It's ok. Personally, I am not a huge baby person but I LOVE the toddler and preschool stage. It's different for everyone. The good news again is that everything is a phase.

You may have moments where you wonder about all those people with kids who encouraged you to have kids of your own. You went ahead and had a baby and are plunged into this nightmare abyss boot camp complete with bouts of panic and sometimes maybe you can't help but feel like you were tricked when they were saying things like "it's the best time of your life" and "this was the best thing we ever did". These people were not trying to trick you. They mean well. I've decided they were simply summarizing. This should give you hope - at some point in the not-too-distant future (ahem, 4 months), you will look back and the good will outweigh the difficult. 

You will then come across some sweet couple and encourage them to have children. The cycle continues. 

In the meantime, try to find moments to enjoy. They do go fast. And I promise you will feel much better after a shower.

my little buddha

We're pretty sure Roman is the Buddha reincarnated. He has discovered the secrets of contentment and enlightenment. If only he could teach us!
He is the happiest baby. Quick to smile and easy to laugh. When Stella was little, she gave us a laugh but then it disappeared - we did whatever we could to try to get her to do it again. But Roman? Just look at him from across the room and he giggles. He is so happy and calm. Slept through the night starting at 4 weeks. If he keeps this up I am totally buying him a car one day.

cleaning house

I took the kids on a spur-of-the moment trip to Florida to visit family. We had a great time and I will post some pictures soon. But one thing struck me, especially coming back home: every house we visited there was so clean. I mean spotless. And we did some drop-ins too, so it's not like they all knew we were coming. If you were to drop in on my house it could be scary. In fact even if I know you're coming it could be scary. I've had a dear friend politely not notice the petrified pb&j on the living room floor, and I've had a new acquaintance come in and say, "oh, are you moving?". I like to say that you know we're good friends when you can see my house messy and I don't want to cry.

I really REALLY like a beautiful house. It makes me very happy. But sadly right now it comes after lots of other things that also make me happy - playing with my kids, being on the go, making stuff. And these kids, they just come with so. much. stuff. And they seem to shed stuff wherever they go.

Before we had kids, we had a great system. We would invite people over on a regular basis, and that would spur us to keep things fairly pulled together. You really don't have to clean as much, since most adults don't go around touching things with sticky fingers.

But with kids - oh, the stuff. And the distractions. If I can get everyone dressed and fed and happy and active and fed again and cleaned and rested and stimulated and fed again and washed and put to bed, I think I'm doing ok. The kitchen gets cleaned, but things like dusting? ha.

I've got to find a way to figure this out. My dining room is the biggest challenge, since now with the two kiddos it doubles as my studio space. And of course it is the first thing you see when you come in the house. And I hate the chairs in there. I came home inspired and cleaned away the ghosts of cookie parties past. (Why must kids touch everything?) I secretly hoped to ruin the finish so I could justify replacing them. They are just a trilogy of bad: ugly, uncomfortable, unwieldily. They came with our big round table (which I do like) so I thought I would recover the fabric, which is an awful shade of vermillion (ick) with flecks of (gag) turquoise. But then factor in uncomfortable, and what is the point? My feet don't touch the floor when I sit in these chairs. I know I have short legs but this is ridiculous. I have to put a pillow behind my back like a little old lady. And there must be 27 of the damn things.

It's amazing what you can get used to when you look at something every day. But really, these must go.

Since it is just off the front entry, the dining room also functions as sort of a drop zone for coming and going. Roman's carseat, Stella's school stuff, whatever we had in our hands when we came in and had to quickly drop to help one of the kids. Sigh.

What we really need is studio space for me, and a better drop zone solution. But we like the rest of the  house and are not in a hurry to move. So this might have to be my new project. Right after I finish sewing and painting.

And so I tell myself: None of those houses in Florida had kids living in them. Or art studios. And everyone who lives in this house - no matter its state - is healthy and happy.

But I am totally getting a housekeeper.

getting less slow

last week, 16:40. Yeah!
this week, 16:02. YEAH!
i am approaching a speed at which i might be able to pass a walker. ha.

the boy who ate his nana

progress

So... an update on the 12 minute mile goal. My baseline run was completed in 18:54, but according to RunKeeper it was at an average pace of 18:12. I'm sure there is something sophisticated about how those two numbers can be different but I haven't got the energy to figure it out.

So that plus the fact that my GPS tends to go a little wonky on my block (where I usually run), I've got a backup method of just starting the stopwatch. The other day I took both kids for a walk in the double stroller and we went around the block (1/2 mile) - RunKeeper told me I had gone 2.75 miles in like 12 minutes and sent me a congratulatory email. Fail! Bad RunKeeper! I've used it on a marked trail and it worked perfectly. The good news is that it seems that when in goes wrong, it does so in a big way. I can see my minute-by-minute pace suddenly drop or rise to ridiculous levels. So we will be measuring in a more simple way - how long it takes to cover one mile. Preferably a known mile so I don't fake myself out.

Anyhow - I ran the same stretch last weekend with my sister-in-law in 18:17. Yay for intervals! Yay for having company on the run! Boo for waffles and blueberry sausage beforehand!

Then this past weekend I ran on a high school track.  I had always assumed the innermost lane was the one that was exactly .25 miles around, but according to the GPS and RunKeeper I had a bit further to go to make it a mile. So I did, and finished that in 16:40. Yay for progress! And flatness! Anyone know how those tracks are usually calibrated? Is it the middle lane that is exactly .25 around? That would make sense.

Will be adding some Pilates to the mix, and I picked up a copy of Jillian Michaels' 30-day Shred. I've heard good things. On we go.

valentine's day

There is a lot to dislike about Valentine's Day - overpriced flowers, limited menu at your favorite restaurant, crowds and a general air of panic. I used to love being at the grocery store on Valentine's Day right after work - just to watch the desperation as people try to find some way to adequately express their love via prepackaged edibles. The pressure!

I wish we could go back to how we did it when we were kids -  a day to do nice things for your friends and share with the other kids in your class (community), and even find something nice to say about those kids who drive you crazy.

I'm a big believer in telling people what they mean to you, which does not necessarily have anything to do with romance. This day is for everyone.

I'm so grateful for my family. My sisters Becca, Judy, Sabrina and Amanda. They know me better than I know myself sometimes. My brother, my parents (all four). My gigantic extended family. 54 FIRST cousins. I haven't even tried to count the second cousins. Aunts and uncles. The best in-laws anyone could ask for. The extended family on Stephen's side, all of whom have welcomed me with open arms. Amazing nieces and nephews. Grandparents, great-aunts and uncles. I am so very lucky to have so many. Some families could field their own sports team - we could have a league.

I'm lucky to have good friends, old and new. College friends who thought me wild. Childhood friends  who thought me quiet. Work friends. Now mom friends. Art friends and kindred souls. Friends who see the batsignal. Friends to travel the world with. Friends who can just pick up after forever. Long friendships that have grown a comfortable veneer. New friendships with the spark of possibilities. Every one means something to me, every one adds to me and makes me a better person.

My husband: my great romance, the love of my life. There is nobody like him.

My kids - I say enough about them already. But they are my delight. I laugh a lot more these days. I never thought I would be a mom but I am glad I am.

XOXO

more to remember

Stella loves to role play. "You be Stella, I'm Momma" etc. I love how whenever she is being me, she puts the most serene smile on her face. I'm sure I don't really look like that but I like to think she is showing me that she feels the love. She also talks so sweetly, "aw, hi honey..."


This has to be my favorite role play exchange (I overheard):
    Stella: Daddy, I want a cupcake. 
    Stephen: No, honey, cupcakes are for later. 
    Stella: Wait - you're Stella and I'm Daddy. 
    Stephen (playing along): Ok. Hi, Daddy. 
    Stella (sweetly): Honey, do you want a cupcake?

She's getting clever! When she's playing Daddy she tries to pick Stephen up. "You're getting so big!"

I was starting to think she was not particularly imaginative. Her dolls were named baby doll, baby boy, and baby girl. And then we met Flowerpot! Flowerpot is by far her favorite. This week we met her imaginary friend Tito. (I like to think it's Tito Jackson or Tito Puente.) We do know he has no mommy and periodically stops by her friend Jackson's house. Stella and Jackson also have a puppy together (an old balloon on a string). They take very good care of it - when we were leaving Jackson's house I told her the puppy had to stay there, and she turned to Jackson and made sure he would feed it. I heard reports later that Jackson did indeed take excellent care of the puppy.

What else... I know there is so much I will forget! The other day I offered her strawberries and she told me she likes them when they are not cold. I said "I agree!" because I too am a connoisseur of room-temperature fruit and she said, "no, momma, you're not a gree. you're a momma."

snow week

There are really only two seasons in Dallas - Christmas and Summer. We have very mild winters that sort of phase into some pretty spectacular thunderstorms and then before you know it, it is hot again.

So people get pretty excited about snow. Well, it snowed last week. And the whole city shut down. I mean schools and most businesses closed for FOUR DAYS. People from northern climes would look at this as a normal Tuesday, but there are no snow plows in this city, and they use sand instead of salt on the ice. Have you ever tried to melt ice with sand? Yeah, me neither.

OH MY GOD I HAD TO ACTUALLY STAY HOME FOR FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT. Whew. My tips for surviving a Texas snowstorm:

1. Gather the necessary provisions. Stella and I hit the fabric store Monday night and I am so glad we did. I surely would have gone mad without a few projects to work on. I've made 4 1/2 little girl outfits so far. Stella has a new passion for gluing things to other things. And using scissors. And now I have to find a new place to keep the scissors because I am afraid of her using them on her hair.
2. If you have someone you can potty train, go for it. You will regret it for a while, especially while chasing a very excited (but messy) two year old who just earned herself some candy. Yuck. You will especially regret it when your husband decides he works for the post office and braves the roads to work, leaving you to handle this on your own. But I will say that by day 3 we were starting to see some success. Fingers still crossed.
3. Don't bother complaining. Yeah, it's just a teeny bit of snow. But it's a lot of ice under that snow. Someplace with actual winters would have 1) plows, 2) salt trucks, and 3) drivers who can handle it. We just don't. 
4. Hold out for the good snow. Our front walk looked like it had freshly fallen snow on it all week. But really it was ice, then a layer of snow, then another layer of ice. You could walk on it and not leave footprints. That is not the fun snow. That is nasty! Then Friday we got a good 5-6 inches of fluffy powder. Hooray! This is the fun part. We played in it Friday, and by Saturday morning it was wet enough to do some snowmen and Stella made a snow birthday cake. By Saturday afternoon it was almost all gone. 
5. Don't go anywhere. There is just nothing worse than driving in bad weather, getting in an accident, and then wanting to kick yourself for driving in that weather in the first place. I've learned this one the hard way. Three times.
6. Improvise. It is just not worth buying a sled or snow boots for a once-a-year snow day. Stella made do with rain boots, and we just happened to have snow outfits for both kids. We got some excellent advice to use a laundry basket as a sled, but in the end went with a cookie sheet and some upholstery cording. Voila!

no resolutions, just goals

So along with everyone else, I've been thinking a lot lately about new years' resolutions. I find that any time I get to step outside my normal routine I get a new perspective and all kinds of new ideas. That's one of the reasons I love travel so much. Even when I was working a 9-5 job I would get my best ideas while stuck in all-day meetings. I think this is why we all are inspired to make resolutions in January - we have the holiday season to take us out of our normal routines. And once you are out of your routine, you tend to re-examine it and hopefully consider ways you might want to improve your life.

Well last year was anything but routine! So I had a long time to think about this one, and I figured with a c-section and new baby in November, and then the holidays, 2011 was the time to really focus on my fitness goals. So I've had lots of time to recover from the surgery, Roman is doing great, and it is not incredibly hot outside. Now its just a matter of logistics, but my goal for this year is to run a 12-minute mile.

Real runners are laughing at this goal, and non-runners might be thinking that is fast. I can assure you it is not fast. Not even close. But it is faster than I have ever run! It is the benchmark I could never meet growing up - it was the bane of my existence in gym class. I had mild asthma but probably the real problem was that I didn't learn how to breathe right until I was in my 20s. I know that sounds ridiculous, but anytime I tried to run, I would inhale with EVERY SINGLE STEP and hyperventilate after about 100 yards. Finally Stephen helped me figure it out when we first started dating. I use the word "running", but it would probably be more accurate to say "jogging" - my mascot has always been the tortoise!

Since then I have trained for and completed two half marathons. I've done 5ks. All slowly. I know what it takes to do distance, and the mental game involved. But these days my pace really can't even be considered "jogging". We'll be nice and call it jogging or running because the movements are the same, but really it is just some kind of ambulation.

So I finally did my baseline run. 18 minutes and 12 seconds (disgraceful!). I guess I should be glad I can even complete a mile after about a whole year without running. But YIKES! I'm even slower than I thought! I mean people can walk faster than that. (Not me, of course - I checked.) I might be the slowest ambulator in the history of ever. But on the upside, nowhere to go but faster!

I've got the RunKeeperPro app on my phone to track my time, pace and distance. The best part - it gives coaching and cues through the headphones, so I don't even have to look at my phone. I have it set up to coach me through intervals - it will tell me when to run fast, slow, etc. I will also be configuring it to automatically post my runs to Facebook - all this is to help me stay accountable.

It may well take me all year to reach this goal, but I think it is a good one. Simple, portable, and quick. It is snowing outside at the moment, and there is a thick layer of ice underneath that has kept most of the city indoors since Monday night. I have a serious case of cabin fever, but even I know better than to try to run on ice. (I don't have a great track record of "not falling down" either. Something to consider for 2012.) But I'm ready for my next run - I will be doing intervals to get faster. Next run will be 2 minutes at my normal pace, followed by 15 seconds of sprinting. Rinse and repeat. As I improve, I will up the amount of time spent going fast. This should do the trick.

Wish me luck. Encouragement and good-natured taunts will be much appreciated!

stella names that tune

Stella has a habit of renaming her favorite songs. Stephen had the bad luck to be in the car with her the other day and she wanted to hear "the shooby dooby song". He was totally stumped.
So for reference of anyone who may be on a long car ride with my daughter, here are some of her favorite songs and their real names:

The Princess Song:
"Gloria a Te, Cristo Gesu" by Andrea Bocelli. It does have a lot of fanfare.

The Shooby Dooby Song:
"Pennies From Heaven" by Louis Prima

Happy Birthday Baby song:
"Happy Birthday" by the Ting Tings. This one does make sense.

The Sunshine Song:
"Rhythm of Love" by Plain White Ts

The Sing Song:
not sure who sings it, but we all love this one!

The Stella Song:
"Want You Back" by the Jackson 5

The Aunt Becca Song:
"Seven" by Fever Ray. I think she thinks my sister sings this song.

The Hey Hey Hey Song:
"A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend

things i must try to remember

Things are changing so quickly. And I am so very lucky these days. Roman is a good sleeper, just like his sister. Yes, we got two of those mythical sleeping babies. Must have done something right in a past life!

Anyway, things I want to try to remember in the future:

• The way Stella says the word 'umbrella'. I really must get this on video before she learns the right way to say it. It sounds like if you tried to say the word, but instead of saying the "-brella" part you just stuck your tongue in and out of your mouth really quickly.
• How excited she is to see her brother. Every. Freaking. Day. "Look at that BAY-BEE!" She thinks it is hilarious when he looks at her. 
• She wants to get in the car and go somewhere every day. It does not matter where. 
• She is a natural entertainer. There was always the dancing, now there are lots of bows and "thank you so much!". Today she was playing with the post of her brother's bed as if it was a microphone - she introduced everyone she knew with great flair, then moved on to things like "... and now, APPLEJUICE!!"
• Roman is just an incredibly sweet baby, full of coos and smiles. Must get more video. When I tickle Stella in front of him he goes crazy.

There are of course some things I am trying to forget:

• We had to catch Stella up on immunizations and now I think she may be scarred for life. Every day since about September she talks about going to the doctor and getting shots. She also was pretty freaked out when I was in the hospital with IVs and everything. She tried to tell the nurse "you no give owies my momma!"
• She seems to have an innately consumerist view of the world. She asks the same two questions about almost everything - artwork, new clothes, the moon - "you make this, momma?" and "you bought it, momma?" Yes, honey, I bought the moon. You're welcome. 
• Roman's life remains sadly not quite as documented as his sister's. Sorry kid, but so far you are a lot like your sister in the baby department. Super cute, mellow temperament. If you want more coverage, you're going to have to start doing things. If it's any consolation, we do sort of enjoy you more than we did her, just because we are not as freaked out about being new parents.