Just yesterday, I was very short and critical with Jessica. She was not feeding Stella exactly as I thought she should be. She of course was doing nothing wrong given that she is a complete natural at being a mom. I learn from her everyday. She has such a casual, relaxed, and easy way with Stella--compared to my northeast Italian/Irish try to control everything freak outs.(those that know me understand) I swear that Stella looks at me sometimes and is thinking--"chill out old man. Where's mom, she'll be ok with me crying right now" Anyway, being snippety with Jessica after a long day was not exactly my finest moment. The transition to being a stay home dad has not been as easy as I thought. Before we brought Stella home, I was sure Stella was just one more thing to add to my "to-do' list.
1. Start a new company
2. Set-up my new office (currently in the guest bedroom closet)
3. Purchase three or four properties
4. Keep the house clean
5. Cook for my hard working woman
and
6. Baby-sit Stella for 8 hours a day
Mentally the demand of taking care of Stella is easy--hence the problem. I imagine some of the worst torture is being denied intellectual stimulation. The prison that I speak of is of my own making. Where stimulation was once easy to obtain, i.e., show up to work and get going, today I have to take the time to seek it out when time is not in abundance. That's one of the reasons seeing Jessica at lunch and at the end of the day is so great. I even suggested to her that we ask each other trivia questions during dinner. How desperate is that! I must admit that being prepared for the next Welsh family trivia game is also part of my motivation.
Child care is a bit more physically challenging--but not by much. I've gained 10 lbs in 3 months, and I'm not even hitting the milk. Stella and I have starting going for walks around the neighborhood. I'm not sure who is more confused by my presence, the old ladies working in their gardens or the Mexicans building houses down the street. Either way, I get polite waves and awkward smiles.
So, the question everyone is asking, "How am I doing being a househusband?" My answer: The most challenging thing I've ever done and I wouldn't do it for anyone on this earth except for Stella.
7 comments:
I throughly enjoyed your entry. I still feel like by going to work 3 mornings a week I get a "break" from taking care of Sander. It is so hard to explain how challenging it can be to those who do not stay at home but you said it well. Thanks! Good luck with it all! love - Kim
Stella is a lucky girl! :)
As for your dinner time trivia, I suggest you check out Ken Jennings's (of Jeopardy fame) Trivia Almanac "8,888 questions in 365 days!"
We have loved playing with this book! Mr. Jennings starts each little section with a factoid relating to the day of the year, and then usually creates pun-a-licious trivia categories to mesh with the factoid.
I listen to NPR pretty constantly to keep up on the news, since I'm the one at home. I'm lucky to have a group of stay-at-home types around here so we can get together for coffee when we can't stand it anymore. Good luck with it. I know Dan envies my time at home, but there are many days when I envy his time at the office.
Congrats on selling the company! How did I miss that?
Jennifer Hamlet
I read pretty much non-stop after Molly was born (only rule: no "What to Expect When..." books -- they had to be fun and non-guilt inducing) to keep my brain from leaking out of my ears. John & I would also trade off the night shift so that once or twice a week one of us could go to the movies. I'd hit the 10pm show of whatever happened to be playing, and get my entertainment fix. :)
As hard as it is, you will always be glad for this time with her. It's a cliche, but it's true: They grow up w-a-y too fast.
You guys are the best. I really appreciated the candor on your entry about becoming a stay at home Dad. It is incredibly easy and impossibly hard at the same time. I hope that you have the opportunity to network with other people in your position, so you can get out and have adult conversation sometimes!
Stella is a lucky little girl and we can't wait to meet her in person someday!
(and as the parent of a now 5 year old, I can say that it does get much more interesting and fun, hang in there!)
Hang in there Stephen! You will find your stimulation, if you look. I joined a SAHM group at meetup.com- maybe try that in your area. And please go easy on yourself, especially as far as duties/job describtions are concerned- Having fun with Stella is #1- everything else let it fall by the side- keep the "cleaning house priority" for year number 2, or you'll drive yourself crazy. Give me a call if you get bored! Or need me to quiz you on dorking things.
I meant to say dorky things, not dorking things. I'm sure you're laughing.
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