Life with Stella and Roman: January 2010

Sunday, January 24, 2010

the orange theory

We were talking with some friends of ours who are also parents, and an interesting subject came up. Turns out that in both their family and ours, the dads tend to want to spoil/indulge the kids more often, while the moms are more consistent with setting limits/boundaries/call it what you will. Stephen related this story, and how he sees it as a metaphor for parenting:

Stella Rose is a huge fruit fan. She will eat two whole oranges in one setting if you let her. We usually cut the oranges into wedges so they are easy for her to eat. We would cut them up, put all 6 or 8 pieces on a plate, and let her go crazy. But, we noticed, she would only take the easiest bites from each piece, then ask for more. So I started handing them to her one wedge at a time. Sure enough, she would eat every last bit of pulp on the piece, then ask for more and repeat the process.

His metaphor here was that if you give a child a great quantity of something (oranges or possessions or treats or whatever), they get so distracted by how many they have, and how much more they can get, that they don't even enjoy it. Whereas if they are given things on a smaller or slower scale, it really enhances the gift - allowing them to focus on it and really enjoy it. I agree.

Monday, January 18, 2010

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

So 2010 is looking like it might be my favorite year so far. Or maybe that is just in comparison to 2009. We were so happy in 2009 - loved having 8 months all together - but frankly, the year just did not look good on paper (death, unemployment, fires, etc.).

We are excited to start this year off with something we were missing for so much of last year - a clear direction! Stephen has accepted a partnership with a web development firm. Turns out he is a much better job searcher than I was.

My approach: Go on vacation. Do some freelance work. Apply for some jobs. Go back on vacation. Get really excited and sidetracked by freelance work. What's that? Time for vacation. Another freelance project? Great, I can do that while on vacation.

Stephen's approach: Get in gear. Apply for job. Get interview for that job. Before nailing that interview, get offered partnership in another small business.

Despite that fact that he totally put me to shame, I am thrilled. It is a great fit - he really wanted to be back in a small-business owner role, but the time and risk of a startup was not a good fit for us right now. He's joined a company that has been around for 10 years and is ready for his contributions. It is just perfect for him. We are both so excited about what is ahead!

So we are in a sense trading places. He was so amazing as a stay-home parent, I have a lot to live up to. I always wanted to have this kind of flexibility, but was very worried. I've been afraid that with my inability to stay still for very long, being a stay-home parent would make me a little crazy. But my freelance work will help. I love it and it loves me. I can manage my clients and workload without having to be in an office all day. And I think that my energy might actually make me a better stay-home parent, since I am very good at thinking up things to do, and am usually organized enough to make things happen. I will also continue to work on my artwork. New commissions are coming in and I am just very happy.

All three of us are very happy. Stella sings a little song, "hap-py hap-py hap-py." Right now, life is good. And the thing is, we've been happy - even last year, even during some incredibly difficult times. I am reminded that sometimes happiness is a decision. I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband and daughter to help me remember that.